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Story Massage Routine

Making up stories to go along with your massage routines is an excellent way to encourage discussion, promote imagination, and make massage more interesting for your child. Once you are both completely relaxed and as comfortable as possible, in whichever position suits you both best, the first thing to do is to ask your toddler where they would like to be massaged and what story they would like to hear. This helps them understand their body, and helps them become involved in the massage in general. It keeps them interested and gives you a way to remember the steps involved too!

You must begin the massage with asking for your child’s permission. Without it, you should never attempt to continue to massage your baby or toddler, as it could put them off massage completely, and will only serve to make everyone tense and stressed. You will soon be able to understand how your child is feeling and will know when it is the right time to attempt a massage.  When the time is right, why not try our story massage below and get to know Mumma Love’s characters, The Jungles, some more.

Here is the story, just encase you didn’t want to follow the video – sometimes it’s easier to go at your own pace.

Harper the Hippo didn’t want to go to bed

Harper the Hippo didn’t want to go to bed, she was having far too much fun in the jungle, plodding around trying to find her friends.

Put one hand on top of the other and make a figure of eight from one shoulder, across the top of your child’s back, to the other shoulder. Repeat up to four times. 

First, she found Ernie, but he didn’t want to play, he was too busy splashing water from his traffic trunk.

Next, keep curving your hands and stroke down your child’s shoulders to their wrists. Repeat two or three times. 

“What are you doing? “Harper asked in an inquisitive tone. “I’m giving myself a nighttime bath” yawned Ernie, blowing a big bubble from his nose. “You should be doing the same Harper, the moon is nearly up.”

Put one hand on top of the other and make large sweeping circles across your child’s back to represent Ernie blowing a bubble. 

Next, stroke your fingertips around your child’s back in a circular motion to represent the moon 

“But I’m not tired” huffed Harper, and off she plodded deeper into the jungle.

Make fists with your hands and press them lightly up your child’s back to mimic Harper plodding deeper into the jungle. 

Next, she bumped into Rory the Lion; he had bubbles all over his hair… “You look funny Rory” giggled Harper as she looked at Rory’s bubbly head. “I’m getting squeaky clean before bed Harper, that’s what I’m doing, you should be doing the shame, the moon is nearly up” instructed Rory in his gruff lion voice.

Walk your fingers up to the top of your child’s head, and begin to massage there. The motion required is much as though you were shampooing their hair, using the tips of your fingers and rubbing the scalp. 

“But I’m not tired” huffed Harper, and off she plodded a little deeper into the jungle.

Stroke down from the head to the base of the spine. Then make fists with your hands and press them lightly up your child’s back to mimic Harper plodding deeper into the jungle. 

After a while of plodding Harper noticed her friend George the Giraffe lying in the waterhole, he was covered in big, bright, bubbles, staring at the stars twinkling in the night’s sky. 

Lift your fingertips so that your hands are arched, and press them lightly all over your toddler’s back, one at a time, sweeping up and away, this move represents the stars.

George noticed Harper staring at him from a distance and with a Yawn shouted: “Harper come and join me, the moon is up, look how bright it’s making the bubbles.”

Put one hand on top of the other, in a large sweeping motion make a circular movement across the back to represent the moon.  

Harper was intrigued, the bubbles where so bright, so she slid in the water next to George and stared up at the moon. The warm water on Harper’s skin made her feel happy and relaxed; it even made Harper a little sleepy.

Put one hand on top of the other and make a figure of eight from one shoulder, across the top of your child’s back, to the other shoulder.

Next, use your fingertips to trace a horseshoe or U shape over your child’s stomach to represent Harper being happy.

Harper plodded out of the water. “Where are you going” questioned, George.

“I’m tired” whispered Harper. And with that, she shook dry and tucked herself up to bed for the night.

Stroke up your toddler’s back and squeeze down their arms to represent being tucked into bed. 

Goodnight, Harper, Good Night.

With the palm of your hand make a waving motion on your child’s back to say goodnight. 

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Gentle Bedtime Routine.

Establishing a bedtime routine is key to instilling good sleep habits in your baby.  A calming bedtime routine that follows a predictable pattern every night helps give your baby the cue that it’s time to put their little heads down to rest. This, in turn, helps them settle more easily. A mother needs time to relax and wind down after a busy and demanding day with an infant. From as early as twelve weeks we can incorporate gentle sleep methods into an infant’s routine, which can help them sleep more soundly.

We can teach an infant that bedtime is safe and help them relax by regulating the environment where they sleep. Lights should be dimmed and the room quietened, with no over-stimulating colours or objects. We here at Mumma Love Organics believe creating a calm atmosphere is essential in helping to soothe and settle your baby before bedtime. Perhaps play gentle instrumental music to help them recognise bedtime easier or infuse the air in the room with the light fragrance of Lavender Essential Oil (aromatherapy oils with their natural settling properties can be diluted and added to the room the baby sleeps in before they begin their bedtime routine). A recent study reported that mothers who used nursery aromatherapy in their infant’s bedtime routine were more relaxed and shared more physical contact and positive cues (such as smiling) with their child. The mother’s relaxed state helped calm the infant, who provided more eye contact and smiled at their mothers, cried less and finally spent a greater length of time in deep sleep. Reduced levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) were also exhibited by both mother and child.

The essential oils used in aromatherapy stimulate the olfactory senses that dictate your sense of smell. The signals produced trigger the brain’s emotional response, resulting in the creation of mood-changing hormones. Not only does this help relax your child, in time they will begin to recognise the fragrance of the essential oils as a part of their bedtime routine.

To disperse a calming aroma around the room, infuse the air with essential oils about half an hour before settling your baby to sleep. To do this, add 3-4 drops of oil  to one pint of steaming water in a bowl. Make sure the bowl is placed away from the infant’s head and out of reach of other children and animals. The steam will gently infuse the molecules of the essential oil into the room.

Bathtime Bliss

While waiting for the oil to evaporate you can give your baby their nighttime bath with our relaxing bedtime bath wash blended with lavender to help soothe and settle your baby. The sensation of warm water produces the hormone oxytocin, and when oxytocin levels are raised, feelings of trust are elevated. After baby’s bath, wrap them in a warm towel and take them to the perfumed nursery to carry on with their routine.

The aromatherapy teamed with a bath will result in a very relaxed baby. This feeling can be enhanced by incorporating a bedtime massage, as this act releases yet more oxytocin, while the increased flow of blood delivers oxygen and nutrients around the baby’s body aiding a deeper, fuss-free sleep. (Please below my directional video guide for bedtime massage). After the massage, dress baby for bed and supply one last feed before bedtime. Once the baby is ready, place them where you wish them to sleep in their still awake but drowsy state and give them a kiss goodnight.

Bedtime Massage

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Comfort, Settle & Sleep Roller Blend Remedy: Aromatherapy working its Magic!

Aromatherapy is often praised for its ability to create a sense of calm, but less is known about its powerful yet gentle capacity to heal. For babies suffering from minor complaints or disorders, aromatherapy can provide some efficient solutions that can be used time and time again.

However, it is important to take precautions with essential oils, as they tend to be potent in their concentrated form and babies are naturally sensitive to every kind of stimulus. By diluting the oils in a carrier oil, you can ensure the aromatherapy solutions you use will be suitable for the delicate skin and excitable senses of your child.

There are a range of essential oils that can be used to provide relief from common ailments in infants, but today I’m going to be talking about two of my favorites – Lavender and Roman Chamomile.  These oils work wonders in treating an array of common ailments in infants but are partially good for promoting sleep.

I learned about the power of these two wonder oils in my aromatherapy training, but what made me fall in love with them was witnessing the profound benefits they had on my own children.  Chamomile is naturally calming and is known for its soothing powers; making it an ideal oil to help settle little heads down to rest for the night. But, Chamomile is not only a natural relaxant; it also has the power to soothe away irritability in children, which in turn, aids in better bedtimes and sounder sleep.

 Lavender, on the other hand, is an excellent tonic for the nerves, when the oil enters the child’s body (through the child’s skin) it relaxes the nervous system, calms the mind and eases anxiety. This isn’t just good for inducing sleep at the end of a busy day; it’s also perfect for children who suffer from separation anxiety. Lavender has a natural ability to help settle children and put an anxious mind at ease, making bedtimes that little bit more blissful.  

Throughout the years of working with families, I have noticed that one question seemed to be on nearly every new mother’s lips and that was if I knew of a safe, gentle sleep remedy to help their child (and themselves) get more rest. Luckily I did and I’m about to share it with you…

Comfort, Settle and Sleep – Roller Blend Remedy.

Rollers to the rescue! I love using roller blends to administer aromatherapy to children; they are so easy to use and very effective. This rollerball remedy will give you the confidence you need to tackle bedtime battles with ease and help you create the peaceful bedtime us parents dream of.

Ingredients:

10ml Roller Bottle (readily available on Amazon or eBay)

1 drop of Lavender Essential Oil

1 drop Roman Chamomile Essential Oil.

10ml Grapeseed oil.

Method:

Place oils in the roller bottle and fill to the top with the carrier oil, before screwing on the top and giving it a good shake.

You can use the blend as part of your child’s night-time routine. All you need to do is roll the blend on your child’s feet or back of their neck (behind the ears) at bedtime to help promote calm sleep. This remedy is also great for taking out night terrors. Plus more, it can be used on stressed-out parents too. I often use this remedy after a busy day juggling work, kids, house, dog, etc. It’s perfect for calming the mind and soothing the soul.

Caution: Always patch test before using a product on your child. Also, beware of shop brought roller balls. A lot of these balls lack the right level of essential oil due to manufacturer costs and do not work effectively. When buying a product always look for the mark of trust. The product should be certified by the aromatherapy trade counsil or the soil association.

I love using holistic therapies on children; it has been my passion for many years. Why not have a look at my infant reflexology video below, perfect to use as part of a bedtime routine, it works especially well with my roller blend recipe!

Much Love and hopefully sleep

Samantha x

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Infant Reflexology

Reflexology works on the basis that parts of the foot correspond to different parts of the body and that stimulating these parts (know as zones) on the foot can release tension or help relieve pain caused by illness. According to reflexologists, energy form the point that is touched is transmitted across a network of nerves from the feet to other parts of the body to help the area heal, such as the stomach for example (great for helping colic) or teeth (perfect for teething).

Babies are especially responsive to reflexology. Many mothers will instinctively rub their children’s feet and hands when their child is cranky, crying, or uncomfortable. Reflexology works very well for most Infants.

Infants’ feet have undeveloped arches, and their skin and bones are usually fairly soft making reflexology an effective and fast modality for young children. By applying gentle pressure to congested areas in the feet, blockages can be released to restore the flow of energy to the whole body.

This technique’s ability to be used on the move, as well as a complementary practice to be used alongside massage, has quickly allowed it to gain popularity amongst the parenting community – especially when their infant is proving difficult to soothe in a busy supermarket! Incredibly easy to learn with no need for prior preparation, only a few minutes of reflexology are required for results.

Infant reflex foot map

Reflexology massage

Always begin reflexology by rubbing your hands together to warm them before handling your baby’s feet – there is no need to use any oil when carrying out a reflexology massage. Remember, this is a special and fun time for you and your baby, so sing, talk and just relax. 

Using reflexology on a daily basis can really help to heal your Infant’s body by detoxifying, relaxing and balancing it, helping detect and even treat imbalances before your infant may even experience any symptoms.

The following routine can be used every day in its entirety, or each section can be used as when you need it, even when you are on the move.

The routine

To start, support your infant’s feet with their heels in your palms. Hold the child’s feet loosely, so they can remove their feet if they start to become oversensitive. Keep your strokes soft but firm, as infants are very responsive to this touch therapy.

Digestive complaints

  1. Allow your infant’s foot to relax into your palm of your hand.
  2. Put the pad of your thumb under the big toe and with a gentle but firm pressure, glide around the base of the toe. Remove your thumb and repeat 3 – 4 times.
  3. After this movement, glide the pad of your thumb down to the centre of baby’s foot and make small circular movements in a clockwise motion.

This area stimulates the vagus nerve which supplies the nerve pathway to the heart, stomach, liver, pancreas, spleen, small and large intestines and gall bladder. Its function is to facilitate normal digestion and metabolism in the body, so the technique is greatly beneficial for any kind of digestive complaint. The last movement where you glide your thumb towards the centre of the foot addresses the stomach’s reflex point, which when stimulated, is excellent for maturing and toning the digestive system helping with colic, reflux and constipation.

Soothing and settling

  1. Rest your infant’s foot in the palm of your hand and place the thumb of your opposite hand on baby’s big toe.
  2. With a firm touch, glide your thumb softly along the outside of the infant’s foot ending at the heel.
  3. Return to the top of the big toe and repeat 4 – 5 times.

This area represents the spine, which houses the central nervous system, transmitting messages from the brain to sensory and motor nerves throughout the body. Stimulating this area calms your infant; it is an excellent reflex point to use if your baby has become over-stimulated throughout the day and needs some quiet time.

Promoting better sleeping patterns

  1. With your infant’s foot resting in your palm, wrap your hand gently around the foot to secure.
  2. With your opposite hand, use the pad of your thumb to make circular movements just under the centre of the diaphragm line.

This technique works on the solar plexus reflex point, which is a network of nerves situated just below the diaphragm; a useful area to consider when seeking to calm your child. This is an excellent technique for parents on the go, as it will release oxytocin into the infant’s system, helping them relax and settle if they become fretful when in public.

Colds and congestion

  1. Stimulate the sinus reflex points – this area is located up the back and sides of the toes.
  2. Place your finger and thumb pad on the infant’s little toe and use a squeeze-and-release pressure to break down any clogged up mucus.
  3.  Repeat along each of the toes.
  4. Once you get to the big toe, increase the pressure just slightly as this reflex point corresponds to the head. This area should be caressed; put all your love into the massage and softly press on the big toe.

This technique will help release tension in an infant’s head as a result of the cold, and soothe their sinuses. These movements overall are very beneficial for infants as they are nasal breathers at birth and often become congested easily due to increased bacteria in the nasal cavity.

  Teething

End your massage with the teeth reflex – this technique is important when your baby is going through its teething period. The reflex point for baby’s teeth is found on the front of the toes, below the nail. 

  1. Securing your infant’s foot in your palm with the opposite hand, press up against each toe. After finishing each toe, rotate once in a clockwise motion and recite the song of ‘This Little Piggy Went to Market’ to your baby:

“This little piggy went to market”

“This little piggy stayed at home”

“This little piggy had a massage”

“And this little piggy had fun”

“And this little piggy went to sleep…shh.”

Reflexology with children can begin at birth and can be used as a valuable tool for parents to dissipate their children’s stresses in a nurturing way.

Reflexology is particularly beneficial for babies who have experienced a difficult birth such as forceps or ventouse. Tiny bones of the skull will have experienced great pressure as a result of the use of these instruments, and it has been found that these bones can be marginally misaligned. Reflexology can help to correct this in the gentlest of ways.

You can use reflexology as a natural healing therapy for minor illnesses as well as a preventative maintenance tool for good health. For more infant reflexology routines check out our video below.

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Choosing birth preferences

During pregnancy, we are focused. On our body, our emotions and our health. And as our body changes, so do our emotions (sometimes on an hourly basis thanks to hormones!) and it’s likely that our health needs change somewhat too. Growing another human is a huge undertaking and one that must not be under-estimated. Give yourself credit for the amazing thing you are doing! But don’t forget that at the end of this pregnancy, comes the birth. Sounds silly, but many women focus on the day to day challenges of pregnancy, but when it comes to the birth not a lot of consideration is given to the logistics of it all. Then there are the women who give it a lot of thought indeed! It’s important to keep things in perspective, which is why writing a birth plan is often suggested. But instead of writing a plan that may not be kept, how about simply choosing your birth preferences instead?

Choose preferences, don’t plan

When we make plans, we often set ourselves up for failure if they go awry. And during pregnancy, labour and birth, nothing is set in stone. Childbirth cannot be predicted. We cannot know how labour will progress nor how baby will react. Unpredictable events cannot be planned for! So, writing a birth plan may seem like a sensible thing to do (and for many it is!) but it could be an idea instead to choose birth preferences that fit in with your expectations?

To be informed is essential, and if you are armed with all the knowledge of what is happening to your body, and what will happen during birth then you are in a better position all round. Knowledge is power, as they say, and being in the know will help you to feel more in control too. But remember that your baby does not know about your plans. No matter how well you have researched your ideal birth- you will still need to be flexible. So writing down your birth preferences makes a lot more sense than writing a plan, don’t you think? And when you do, you might find there is more that you can control than you originally thought…

Let go of the fear

It’s normal to feel fear and anxiety about birth. Television and films tell us that it is going to hurt, and depending on what book you read many of the experts agree. But it is up to you how you channel that pain. If you decide that you want to take pain relief when you’re in labour, research the different medicines that are available at your hospital. Make sure you know what each one does and what the side effects are, and write down your preferences. If you decide you will handle events differently, look into other ways to manage the pain and reduce fear and anxiety- hypnobirthing is excellent for this and we’ve already written a quick guide that you can refer to.

The most important thing is to release the fear, and you can do this by:

  • Read some birth stories. Fear of the unknown is destroyed if you know what is in store for you.
  • Talk about it. Let your partner and your midwife know how you are feeling, and ask questions too.

Make sure that you address your fears before you write your birth preferences and make sure that whatever it is that is causing anxiety is out in the open as soon as possible. The saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ really is true!

Create a positive birth environment

Another thing to consider when you write your preferences- where you are going to give birth. And how can you make it as positive as possible? Whether you opt to have your baby at home, a midwife led unit or in hospital, it has to be the right decision for you. And there are ways that you can make it a positive environment for you. Consider the following:

  • Lighting. Some women like to have candles to help create a calm and relaxing environment. Some hospitals can dim the lights for you and it’s worth knowing that bright lights can actually inhibit the progress of labour, so make it clear in your preferences how you want your lighting controlled.
  • Your sense of smell is very powerful and the aromas that you choose to have around you as you give birth are important too. Soft, pleasant and nurturing scents such as vanilla can help you to relax and are a lot nicer to smell than hospital antiseptic smells! Have some scented massage oil to hand and ask your partner to apply some when you need it.
  • Lots of women find listening to music during labour extremely relaxing, so if you have preferences make sure you bring your own music.
  • Food and drinks. During labour, you will need lots of energy to see you through your task in hand, so make a list of the types of food and drink you want- and the types you definitely don’!

When you write your birth preferences, discuss them with your partner so that you are both clear about the things you’d like to be in place when the day arrives- but remember that they are just preferences. Nobody knows what is going to happen, and if you are happy to remain flexible then you are more likely to retain control of the situation.

 

 

 

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Why Organic ?

When we have children, they become everything – they become our world. As parents, it’s our job to give our children all that they could possibly need, and that includes a healthy start in life. One of the most important organs to care for when it comes to babies is their skin, which, although perhaps surprising at first, makes a lot of sense when you realize that it is 30 percent more delicate than an adult’s. That means it is much more sensitive and much more prone to irritations.

Remember that our skin is the largest organ in our body (or rather, on our body). Everything we put onto it is absorbed into it, and so it needs to be treated with the utmost care – whatever you put onto your baby’s skin needs to be thoroughly scrutinized.

When a baby is born, its immune system is defenseless; that means it takes time to start working properly. Because of this, many parents (rightly so) feel that organic products are the best option. But there are so many natural skincare products for babies out there; which make organic claims, that it’s hard to determine which one is the best. After all, each one claims something different, yet hardly any of them actually go into what organic really is. That can be something of a problem for parents who are keen to give their child only honest, organic skincare.

Organic skincare makes a lot of sense, and I truly believe it is the best way to care for a baby. Unfortunately, the planet is still constantly being polluted – heavily – with chemicals, and manufacturers seem mostly unconcerned with how much these chemicals can affect our children, and specifically their delicate skin. A baby is much more sensitive to these chemicals then an adult would be – their skin is thin, and their brand new respiratory, endocrine, and digestive systems are absorbing everything through it. That’s why I’m encouraging you to think carefully about what you’re putting on your baby’s skin. It can make all the difference.

So what exactly is ‘organic’? An organic product is one that has been made with organic ingredients. In other words, ingredients that have been grown naturally, without using any chemicals to assist them. There are no awful pesticides involved, and that means the products are better for our bodies as well as our planet.

So, when you go shopping, make sure to look for the Soil Association logo on anything you buy. This shows you that it is certified as organic; it’s a mark of trust that means you can use the product worry-free, and it’s the only way you will know for sure that what you are picking up off the shelf is totally organic. Although many products make organic claims, without that all-important logo, you can’t be sure that it’s true. The Soil Association logo is a powerful symbol of trust and transiency – offering buyers assurance in an uncertain world.

This is why I created Mumma Love Organics for babies and children, and why I decided to put my children’s skincare range through the proper certification procedures.  Here at  Mumma Love Organics, we care what stays out of our products as much as we care what goes into making it. So no harsh chemicals will be found in our skincare, just honest, natural, organic ingredients. This is supported by the Soil Association Organic Standard.

 

 

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Breastmilk: nature’s original superfood

Did you know that breastmilk is a bit of a superfood? It’s true. While for some strange reason the world seemed to fall out of love with one of the most natural phenomenons in history, Mother Nature must have been shaking head in confusion. When breastmilk can be tailored perfectly to your own individual baby, based on her needs right now- why would you opt for anything else? Of course there are many, valid, reasons why you may choose not to breastfeed- personal, emotional and medical- and our intention is not to berate those decisions. We are not here to judge, simply to share the wonders of breastmilk: nature’s original superfood. Here are five reasons why we believe that to be true.

Breastmilk provides baby with all the antibodies and bacteria needed to support a healthy immune system.

When in utero, your baby is protected in a sterile environment, away from bacteria that could pose risks to her health and wellbeing. Once on the outside though, it’s a different story! And aside from wrapping your baby in cotton wool and banning all forms of human contact, you just cannot replicate this environment. And why would you want to? Babies need to be exposed to bacteria so that they can build their immune systems- and that’s where breastmilk comes in.

Studies now suggest that if your baby is breastfed for just the first week of life, your milk will provide enough friendly bacteria to give her immune system a super blast. And it’s thought that up to 80,000 babies’ lives could be saved each year if access to breastmilk in that week alone was possible. That’s pretty mindblowing! Further studies have found there to be up to 700 different strains of bacteria in breastmilk, which is enough to support baby’s biome and to provide long term health benefits too. Leading on to our next point…

Breastmilk helps to promote long term health…

for mother AND baby. A baby who is given breastmilk in infancy will build up her immune system to the point where she is able to fight common allergies. It also helps to protect against asthma, digestive issues and autoimmune diseases too. A breastfed baby will also be getting lots of essential fatty acids from the milk too, which means a boost in brain development, growth, and bile salt production. Experts agree that the nutritional value of breastmilk is second to none in the first six months of life.  And for mum?

Mothers who breastfeed are less likely to develop postnatal depression, as nursing triggers the release of oxytocin, the feel good hormone. This means that during breastfeeding, mums are more relaxed and nurturing instincts are also emphasised. Lots of mums report that they feel the bond with their baby is strengthened through breastfeeding too. Additionally, studies have found that women who breastfeed are more protected against breast and ovarian cancer. It’s thought that structural changes in the breast during at least one year of nursing, coupled with the fact that lactation suppresses oestrogen production in the body, can help to protect against breast cancer in particular.

Breastmilk is tailored perfectly to your baby’s needs.

So there is no need to go out and buy different types of milk depending on your baby’s age. Each time you nurse your baby, your body produces milk suitable for her needs- so the milk changes and adapts as required. What other food can do that? Breastmilk is the perfect combination of water, fat, protein, carbohydrate, minerals and vitamins. It also contains hormones, and enzymes, essential fatty acids specific to your baby. It’s a little like a magic potion made specially for your baby.

It’s convenient (and free)

No other method of feeding is quite like breastfeeding. And what other superfood is available 24 hours a day and at no cost? Breastmilk is the ultimate in healthy fast food, and there is no denying the convenience of it all. Not all mothers find breastfeeding easy at first, but if you are able to work with a lactation consultant or similar, you should be able to establish a good feeding schedule that suits you and your baby quite easily. And it’s worth noting that breastmilk is always served at just the right temperature too- no preparation required!

It’s natural

In a world where we are surrounded by foods and products that have been chemically enhanced to taste, smell and look good, breastmilk is a welcome superfood. There are no added chemicals, preservatives, sugars or flavours. It’s easily digested, it has a natural laxative effect so that breastfed babies are rarely constipated, and it is all your baby needs in the first six month of life.

If you would like more information and/ or support with breastfeeding, here are some links that might help:

Find a breastfeedng network support group

National breastfeeding helpline

Association of breastfeeding mothers

Baby cafe– for local breastfeeding cafe groups in your area

Best Beginnings

La Leche League

Lactation Consultants of Great Britain

NCT

UK Association for milk banking– for information on milk donors

 

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Mindful Parenting in a Modern World.

The bookstores are packed full with an array of instructional parenting books giving advice on how to bring up children and promises of a peaceful night sleep, but there’s nothing that really focuses on mindful parenting in this modern, hectic world.  And that, of course, is what we all really need.

Our busy lives seem to be overrun with an abundance of commitments; work deadlines, paying the bills, trying to be a supportive partner, keeping fit, and on and on the list goes – it’s no wonder we get stressed at times. The demands of this modern world can weigh heavily on our shoulders which in turn can take a toll on our minds and bodies. But more than that, it also can have a negative impact on our parenting. Becoming a more mindful parent allows us to take some time out from life’s dramas and connect with our children in a more compassionate way. It enables us to step back and enjoy the moment rather than let it pass us by. Our children’s childhood is so important; how we parent our children can affect them for the rest of their lives. When it comes to parenting there are no second chances, so it’s important to make the most of this time now.

So what is mindful parenting?

The concept of being present and in the moment with your child is a fresh and exciting one; a parent’s attention is by far one of the greatest gifts we can give our children and mindful parenting is a way of providing this. Being mindful means living in the moment, with a non-judgemental, compassionate awareness. It allows us to observe a newfound consciousness intentionally, and helps us sustain that attention over time in the best way we can. Allowing our minds to maintain this attentiveness brings more awareness into our lives and lets us parent in a more instinctual and compassionate way.

Nevertheless, the problem with society today is that we often run on auto pilot, mindlessly functioning day by day, without questioning our existence. Our brains seem to operate in two ways; they are either swirling with past events that we can’t control, or they are preoccupied with future circumstances or concerns. This way of thinking often leaves us feeling stressed, anxious and even depressed; the amount of emotional strain we put on ourselves frequently leaves our minds and bodies exhausted; which can have a detrimental effect on parenting. This is where introducing mindfulness into our day to day parenting can help – it’s about stepping back, taking a moment and looking through our children’s eyes. Being in the moment with our children allows us to understand new possibilities, benefits, and even challenges with a newfound conscious awareness. Allowing ourselves to parent in this conscious way will enhance the engagement we have with our children, promoting a deeper understanding of our family and ourselves, which in turn cultivates a certain awareness. This is known as mindful parenting.

Mindfulness can create the imaginable; practicing it can give you the capability to see past any parenting challenges and certain behavioural issues. It allows us to see our children more clearly and opens us up to be more empathic, compassionate, and understanding. This will create connections that will last a life time. Most parents want to do right by their children – they want to be loving, warm, provide structure, set boundaries, and provide a positive role model – this is where mindful parenting comes into play. Parenting mindfully can be rejuvenating and transformative for both parent and child. However, learning and implementing this style of parenting is a task you’ll need to master.

Where to begin?

Firstly, let’s get one thing straight; you don’t have to be a Zen master to practice mindful parenting. You do, however, have to be willing, patient, and persistent. Just like any new skill, it can take a while to grasp.

An ideal way to begin mindful parenting is simply to be more present with our children. When we are more present our communication becomes clearer and our words become more meaningful. But, as well as being more present, we can also use other tactics to become more mindful, like the ones I share with you below:

Unplug yourself

Our children are our world, but we often seem to disregard their needs as other priorities take over our day to day life.  When we run on autopilot we miss signs that our children are trying to give us, our inattentiveness can, in turn, make them feel worthless, and they may start to feel like they are beneath our attention and will begin to retract inwardly.

For example, if you are preoccupied on your phone or computer when your child is trying to have a conversation with you or tell you something important, they will start to feel inadequate and eventually will give up trying to communicate with you at all. However, we do live in the 21st century and life is fast-paced, so we can’t unplug the whole time we are with our children. Nevertheless, we can control how much time we spend on our devices. Technology is a brilliant thing, but it can affect the amount of quality time we have with our families. So make sure you unplug yourself at least once a week, keep your mind present and fully enjoy your family time; this will enhance your children’s self-worth and make them feel like they are top priority and not having to compete with your gadgets for your time or attention.

Take the Time

In this modern world, time doesn’t always seem to be on our side. But have you ever wondered how we find the time to accomplish menial tasks yet hardly ever take a moment to focus on our family’s mental well being? Ask yourself, how does it feel when we laugh with our family or have a great conversation over a meal, or when we cuddle up with our little ones and really listen about their day – I bet I can answer the question for you; it feels great, doesn’t it?

Another question; why do we make time for boring routine tasks but we don’t allow time in our daily routine to create more positive family dynamics? We seem to procrastinate over and over again, telling ourselves that we just don’t have the time. However, time is truly valuable; once a moment in time has gone we can never get it back. It’s so true, how often you have heard grandparents say “make the most of this time now, they grow up far too quickly”. They are right but the question is why aren’t we spending more quality time with our children?

The truth is this modern world exhausts us, and after a long day in the office or feeling overwhelmed with mundane family chores we are simply tired. This is why the very first step to mindful parenting is self-care; which we will look at in greater detail on my blog, next week. But to cover briefly, we have to make sure we take care of ourselves so we can take care of others. Often parents don’t take time out for themselves; they see putting their needs in front of their families as selfish, unreasonable even. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It’s physically and emotionally draining. Therefore, it’s important to take time to recuperate and recharge your batteries, so you can be the parent you want to be.

Go easy on yourself

Mindful parenting can seem like a dream when our children are acting angelic, playing together, or willing to go to bed. Nevertheless, children do have a habit of pushing the boundaries; we all know that feeling that children can conjure up; our blood starts to warm, then slowly simmers, our kids push a little further and we’re now at boiling point, ready to explode! As a parent, this is the time to put your mindfulness into practice, take a mindful pause and just BREATHE. Our children will challenge and irritate us at times (that’s parenting), but there’s always a reason behind such behaviours (reasons that are often out of our control). What control we do have is how we respond when parenting becomes demanding.

Taking a moment to take a breath can have a powerful impact on unwanted behaviour.  It will allow you time to gather your thoughts and encourage you to respond to your child’s needs rather than react to them.  In general, people use the word reaction and response synonymously but there is a world of difference between the two. A reaction is provoked by certain behaviour; it’s instant. It often has no consideration behind it. You literally meet your child’s emotionally-led behaviour with your emotionally-led conduct. Reacting to your child’s behaviour in an angry, aggressive way simply isn’t the answer; all this creates is a crash of negatives emotions.

Responding, however, gives you the time to allow your child to express their negative feelings; they need to let them out, and if you try to suppress them they will to erupt another time – trust me. If your child does become angry, upset, frustrated respond by letting them have this moment, let them verbalise their feelings without any punishment, humiliation or guilt. This is a time to show your child empathy, consider not just your feelings but the thoughts, feelings, and reactions behind your child’s behaviour too. Portraying a calm exterior will defuse the situation a lot quicker than trying to fight in with a battle of spiraling, negative emotions.

Nonetheless, this is no easy task and is a really tricky concept to get your head around. Responding instead of reacting is a big part of mindful parenting but to others, it can often seem weak, even ineffective. However, the rewards you will reap later in life from this style of parenting will show in abundance. Your children will learn that it’s safe to show their emotions, will talk openly to you about their feelings, and will come to you in times of need. You see, mindful parenting allows us to understand our children’s emotional needs, which in turn builds a closer, more resilient bond between parent and child. What we have to remember as parents is our children are not their flare-ups. Their outbursts are often emotionally led by anger, frustration, tiredness even. These hosts of emotions can play havoc with a child’s emotional guidance system. It’s a struggle for little people to master control of their temperamental behaviours but guide them with love and kindness and they will soon become pros at it. Remember, it’s our job as parents to calm their little minds, not present them with more chaos.  I’m going to cover an array of behavioural issues and how to deal with them more mindfully in the next few weeks… but for now here are some conscious ways of how we can respond to our children instead of reacting to them:

Negative Reaction Positive Response
Will you just stop crying! You look upset, is everything ok, do you want a hug?

 
Will you just get away from me! I’m feeling a little frustrated right now, I’m going to take five minutes out to calm down.

 
That’s life young lady – you don’t always get what you want. I can tell you are upset with my decision but let me explain the reasons behind it (if your child doesn’t want to hear why, walk away and be calm until they do).

 
Your sitting at the table until you’ve eaten all your dinner If you’re not hungry now don’t worry, I can heat it up later.

 
Stop whinging, ask me like a normal child Can you ask me that question in your happy voice, not your whinging one.

 

 Mindful parenting isn’t always about managing difficult behaviour, just as importantly, it’s about treasuring the loving, joyful family moments too. This parenting style has so many benefits for children and parents alike; using this method of parenting has been gaining traction as a way of improving happiness and well-being within families for a while now.  Studies have shown conscious (mindful) parents engage in more positive and less negative parenting styles which were then linked to more positive, loving behaviour in children. This meant fewer tantrums and less meltdowns.  Being a mindful parent means growing and developing as your child grows and develops too. Parenthood is a steep learning curve, but that doesn’t mean being mindful is impossible!

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Tips to Help Little Ones Settle into The New Term

By now your little ones are probably one or even two weeks into their new school lives, and we sincerely hope all is going well! But how are YOU coping? Adjusting to a new routine can be difficult, especially is this is your first child at school! The early days of the new term can be hard for all involved, so it makes sense to take steps to ensure the transition from home to school goes as smoothly as possible. This time we’ve put together a few tips to help little ones settle into the new term, with a little help from some lovely bloggers. Do let us know how it’s going.

Be prepared for tiredness

 Being at school all day is likely to be hugely different to your child’s usual routine, so it’s natural for them to be a little more tired than normal. This is to be expected, and by now you’re probably only too well aware of how exhausting school can be. Some children find it more exhausting than others, but only you know your child best so take your cues from them during this first term. If you need to move bedtime a little earlier, then please do. It’s important that your child gets enough sleep to see them through the busy days ahead!

Some children also find it harder to switch off once they start school, and their tiredness can manifest in other ways. Perhaps your little one is finding it harder to fall asleep at bedtime? A relaxing bath and a good solid bedtime routine will help.

Beth, who blogs at Twinderelmo told us, “My girls have been going to bed about an hour earlier than usual as they’re so tired. At the weekends too I let my older son lie in until he naturally wakes as I want him to get a rest too. We avoid doing anything that means we need to be up and out early as we all adjust to the school routine,” and we think this is great advice.

Tread carefully

As your little one is more tired than usual, and likely to be a little more ‘temperamental’ shall we say, it’s a really good idea to tread a little more carefully when it comes to behaviour. Remember that your child has a lot of changes to adapt to, and many find the transition to school really quite difficult.

Laura, who blogs at Little Ladies Big World, advises, “Don’t ask too much of them after school and treat meltdowns with kindness. If mine are tired we read books, play puzzles and have cuddles. Being 100% there in the moment really helps everyone feel supported in those first few weeks of change.”

 Slow down after school

 Your child has spent all day being directed by adults, and so after school is the time to allow them to slow down. You’ll know by now how tiring the school day can be during this first term, so try not to plan too many activities until your child has adapted.

Gillian, at A Baby on Board told us that she tries not to schedule too much at weekends either, preferring to use this time to re-charge and prepare for another busy week ahead. She told us, “School is more exhausting for children than you’d think and they need as much downtime as possible in the evenings and at weekends,” and we couldn’t agree more.

Yes, it’s tempting to sign your child up for every after-school activity you always dreamed they would love, but honestly, it really is best to wait a while.

Sarah-Jayne at Keep Up With the Jones Family adds, “We have a get-home-from-school routine. It’s simple but it works – in from school, shoes in cupboard, all clothes on my bed, homework on table and lunch boxes in kitchen. That way I can follow all three of them around, after they’ve done each and tidy up. 15 minutes and we are ready to relax and play – and I’m ready for the next day!”- a great tip!

Make mealtimes count

 It’s hard to let go when your child starts school, and one thing that many parents worry about is whether or not their child is going to eat ok. Suffice to say, many children either won’t remember what they had for lunch, or were too busy playing to take any notice! Don’t take it to heart. Talk to your child’s teacher if you’re really concerned, but our advice would be to trust that the lunch time staff are capable of ensuring your child eats something at least!

That said, it’s a really good idea to make sure that your child is eating a varied and balanced diet at home. A good breakfast is essential and will enable your child to perform well at school. And don’t forget snacks!

Kate at Counting to Ten says her top tip is to always “Bring a snack with you for pickup. It can be a long time since they had lunch and nobody wants a hungry child.” Wise words!

 

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Gentle sleep tips for toddlers

Does your toddler sleep through the night? Most do, but if your answer is a very firm ‘no’ then rest assured you’re not alone! Every child is different and they all reach certain milestones at different stages; your toddler might just need a little more persuasion than others about the joy of staying in bed at night time! That said, broken nights that drag on longer than two years can be incredibly draining and no doubt there have been days where you’ve felt you just cannot make it through to bedtime… We feel your pain. Here are some gentle sleep tips for toddlers that will hopefully help you and your toddler to get a better night’s sleep sooner rather than later.

Why the gentle approach?

 Toddlers can be fickle little things at the best of times, and by the age of around 18 months or so any habit that they’ve formed will no doubt be very well formed indeed! Translated as- you might not find it easy to persuade them to break their habit of waking. By taking a gentle approach, you can make small progressions towards that full night’s sleep without disturbing or upsetting your toddler, or yourself. Gentle sleep training relies on working with your child’s needs and emotions in at the forefront of your mind. You allow your toddler to lead the way and you gently teach them independent sleep habits to replace their old habits.

Understanding sleep issues

 Hopefully your toddler is able to talk to you and tell you why they’re waking at night times. Take some time to talk to them and ask them why, and explain why it’s a good idea for them to stay in bed to sleep at night times. It might be that your toddler reveals something that can be easily rectified- perhaps they’re missing a comforter or teddy bear, or perhaps it’s a fear of the dark preventing them from falling back to sleep when they wake.

Make sure your bedtime routine is calm

 A calm and peaceful bedtime routine will work wonders for your toddler’s night sleep. And consistency is key here. Try to do your routine at the same time each night, with everything in the same order so that your toddler knows what to expect and when.

What to do if your toddler struggles to fall asleep

 Sometimes it’s going to bed that poses the problem for toddlers. If you spend longer than you like putting your toddler to bed, and longer still traipsing up and down the stairs before they finally settle, then maybe these tips will help you:

  • Agree to a bedtime that suits the whole family (and not just your toddler!) and stick to it. Let your toddler have a say if they’re old enough, so that they feel an element of control.
  • Agree on a bedtime routine with your toddler, and stick to it so that there is no confusion as to when they’re expected to get into bed.
  • Make sure your toddler’s bedroom is dim, and at the right temperature for sleep.
  • If your toddler wants you to stay after the lights go out, this is fine for the first few nights. And if they call you after you’ve left the room, always make sure you go back into comfort them.
  • If your toddler needs to you to stay while they fall asleep, then make sure you stay until they are definitely asleep- they will check!
  • After a few nights, gradually reduce the length of time that you spend in the room, until your toddler is confident enough to fall asleep independently.

The aim here is to eventually put your toddler to bed, turn out the lights and go downstairs to put your feet up!

What to do if your toddler wakes in the night

If your toddler wakes through the night, the first thing you need to do is try and determine why. Is the room too hot, or too cold? Are they thirsty? Try to eliminate as many reasons as possible. Then repeat your gentle sleep training techniques as already described, until your toddler falls asleep again. It’s worth noting here that if your toddler wakes and asks to come into your bed with you, that’s fine to do- as long as you’re happy to bed share and you are able to do it safely. Read these guidelines to make sure you’re safe.

Remember that it’s important to stay positive with your toddler, and to celebrate every small achievement in this journey. They will develop better sleeping habits eventually, and while these days seem long we promise they will be relatively short-lived in the grand scheme of things. Good luck!