Attachment Parenting: Bonding with Baby

With a myriad of parenting choices available to us all, it can be difficult to establish which one will work best for you. Often it is a case of trial and error, and armed with all available information it is up to you as parents to decide what works best for you and your family.

An increasingly popular parenting choice for many new families is ‘attachment parenting’. This style of parenting focuses on the connection that can be built between a child and his parents and is often viewed as an excellent way to bring up children to be empathetic, secure and independent as well as enabling them to grow into understanding, caring and rounded adults.

What is Attachment Parenting?

The philosophy of attachment parenting revolves around giving you, as parents the tools that you need to provide a nurturing environment for your child in which their direct and indirect needs are understood and consistently responded to. It involves treating your child with respect, kindness and dignity so as to build a long lasting relationship – or attachment – rather than rejecting their needs, leaving a divide between you both.

  • Attachment parenting builds and strengthens an emotional connection between parent and child.
  • A child who feels secure will be more likely to become an independent and confident adult.
  • Parents’ should respond to their child in a physical, verbal and emotional way when they are sick, upset, scared, tired or worried.
  • Children who trust their parents when they are growing up will learn to trust others in their lives and have the confidence to explore their environment.

Attachment Parenting Practices

There are certain practices that are available to those parents who choose attachment parenting, but remember that this is not a check list that needs to be strictly adhered to. Attachment parenting is a lifestyle choice and as such has the ability to be moulded to your family’s specific situation. Some of the practices of attachment parenting include:

Breastfeeding: Recent statistics published by UNICEF show that in 2010, 81% of newborn babies were being breastfed. (http://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/about-baby-friendly/breastfeeding-in-the-uk/uk-breastfeeding-rates/) Breastfeeding is an excellent way of making an initial bond with your baby and taking the first steps to getting to know him. As he grows, you will be able to read his cues and body language and reinforce your bond. Breastfeeding not only provides your baby with every single nutrient he needs to grow and develop in his first few months, but also stimulates your body to produce oxytocin and prolactin (also known as the mothering hormone).

Baby-Wearing: Wearing or carrying your baby helps them to learn from you, gain confidence and be reassured. Evidence shows that carried babies are less likely to cry than non-carried babies, often reducing their crying by over 50%. (http://wrapsodybaby.com/babywearing-resources/baby-wearing-myths-vs-facts/). Baby-wearing also improves the sensitivity of you, as a parent. You get to know your baby very well and will really enjoy understanding their needs and wishes from a very early age.

Co-Sleeping: If you work during the day or do not get to spend as much time as you would like with your child then co-sleeping is an excellent way to reconnect with them. However, it is important to remember that the best sleeping arrangement is one that sees all the family getting the best night’s sleep. For babies, night time can be an unfamiliar and scary experience. Co-sleeping can help to relax and reassure them, helping them to sleep soundly. It is also beneficial to breastfeeding, as your baby has access to the breast whenever he needs it.

Understanding Your Baby’s Cry: Getting to know your baby means getting to know his cries. You will very soon realise that he has a different cry for each situation. Responding to those cries quickly and sensitively will help to build your relationship. Not only will your baby be comforted by you, you will learn to trust your mothering instincts when it comes to what your child wants or needs.

The Benefits of Attachment Parenting

It may be slightly overwhelming when reading through the practices of attachment parenting and wondering if it really is something that you can incorporate into your life, especially with all the stresses of bringing home your newborn. Thankfully, the benefits of this type of parenting will last a lifetime; so just remember that if you want it, you can achieve it and seeing your happy, content baby growing up to be an inquisitive and confident toddler and a respectful and independent child will reassure you that you made the right decision. For a little extra incentive, here are some of the advantages of attachment parenting:

  • Promoting independence: Attachment parenting will nurture your child’s mind. With the right tools, your child will develop a strong bond between you which will also help to provide a secure base upon which to explore the unfamiliar and gain confidence and independence.
  • Improving behaviour: An attached baby will cry less, be less fussy and less clingy. This all comes from how the baby feels and whether they feel valued and cared for. If your baby feels good then they will act and behave well; they will not need to ‘act up’ to get what they need, they will already have it.
  • Improving development: If your baby is not crying as much, then what are they doing in their ‘free time’? Well the answer is – they are learning. And with more time to learn, they are able to develop effectively and become more receptive to learning.

Follow Your Own Parenting Instincts

It is true that many parents begin to follow the principles of attachment parenting, not because they have researched and invested in it, but because they are just doing what comes naturally to them and their baby. The key to becoming a loving, caring and successful parent is to be relaxed, calm and receptive; so remember this throughout motherhood and your children will grow up to be happy and health members of the family.

 

Bathing a newborn baby

Babies don’t come with instruction manuals, unfortunately, and no matter how many parenting books we read, or how much advice we’re given from well-meaning friends and families, there can be times where it all seems a little daunting. Caring for a tiny, helpless human being can be overwhelming sometimes! Remember that we all feel that way now and then, whether this is your first baby or your third. And often it is the smaller tasks that can seem the most tricky when you’re tired and emotional. One such task is the newborn bath. It’s not always as easy as it looks, but there are steps you can take to make sure that it goes as smoothly as possible. Here is our very quick guide to bathing a newborn baby- we hope it helps!

How often to bathe?

There are mixed opinions on this. Officially, newborn babies do not need to be bathed every day, and its recommended that you wait until they are at least a few days old before giving them their first one. If you have your baby in hospital, the staff there might help you with the first bath, or you may prefer to wait until you get home. Either way, for the first week or so you can just ‘top and tail’ (we’ll explain more in a moment) before moving on to bathing. And then it is up to you, and your baby. Some families use bath time as an essential part of their bedtime routine so they bathe baby every day, some families prefer to alternate with every other day. If your baby loves the warm water and finds it soothing etc then there is no reason at all why you can’t make a bath part of your daily routine too. Remember that newborn babies do not get ‘dirty’ in the same way as toddlers so a daily bath is not a necessity if you don’t have time, or prefer to simply wash baby in between baths.

Top and Tail

So called because you are simply washing baby from top to tail, without the need for a bath. Here’s how to do it:

  • Prepare everything before you start. Make sure you have a warm towel and nappy changing items to hand, plus all you need to dress and feed baby afterwards.
  • Make sure the temperature of the room is warm so that baby doesn’t get cold.
  • Fill a bowl or sink with clean, warm water. Check the temperature to make sure that it isn’t too hot or too cold.
  • Undress baby and place her on a warm, dry towel. Some babies will protest at this point, so be as reassuring as you can- and work as quickly as you can without appearing rushed or frantic. Your baby will pick up on any urgency you project so keep calm and composed!
  • Topping: wash baby’s face gently with cotton wool dipped in the warm water. Start with the eyes, wiping once from the corner of the eye near the nose, outwards. Always use just one piece of cotton wool for one wipe, to prevent potentially spreading infections. Next, move on to the ears- wipe gently with cotton wool, and then around the outside of the ears. Don’t wipe inside the ears. Use new pieces of cotton wool to then clean baby’s face, neck creases and hands.
  • Tail: Baby’s genitals and bottom need to be thoroughly cleaned. Do this by using a very mild organic liquid soap in the water, and cotton wool.

It’s a good idea to top and tail baby daily if you aren’t bathing her daily, or just on the days in between. Baby’s bottom and genitals will need cleaning after every nappy change.

Bathing your baby

Again, it is up to you how often you bathe your baby and as long as you are both comfortable with it there is no reason why it can’t be daily. There is no need to wait for baby’s umbilical cord stump to dry and fall off; but you do need to let it dry properly after the bath. Here are some tips to make bath time easier:

  • Get everything prepared. Place a towel on the floor for baby to lie on as you undress her, and for afterwards. Have clothes, nappy changing items and everything you need for a feed to hand. It’s also a good idea to have a folded towel or a kneeler for you too.
  • Make sure the temperature of the room is warm.
  • Fill a baby bath with warm water and use your soothing and settling baby bedtime bath wash too if you like.
  • Ask someone to help you if you’re feeling nervous, especially at first. Babies can be wriggly and slippery when wet!
  • Undress your baby, and wrap her in the towel while you clean the face, as you would in a top and tail.
  • You will need two hands to lower baby into the bath. Place one arm around the shoulders and neck, holding baby’s outside arm with your hand. Then place your other hand under the bottom and lower her gently into the bath.
  • When baby is securely resting on the bottom of the bath, remove that hand and use if for washing.
  • Using your hands, scoop warm water onto your baby’s body slowly, ensuring that she is warm at all times.
  • When baby is ready (and it may only be a five minute affair at first) gently lift her out and wrap her in your towel. Don’t rub her dry, gently pat her body and hold her close until she is warm, dry and ready to be dressed.

Lots of babies enjoy a feed straight after the bath so now is the time for you to both sit back, relax and spend time together. Hopefully baby will be nicely relaxed, clean and happy. Good luck!

Three Self Care Tips for Dealing With Postnatal Anxiety

When you have a new baby, there is so much excitement and so much love surrounding you. You have visitors, cards, phone calls and emails congratulating you, and not to mention the gifts! So many gifts! New mums are literally inundated with well wishes and this is a lovely thing to happen. The thing is though, that while this honeymoon period doesn’t last, it can be rather overwhelming. And with all the well wishes and joy that a new baby brings, let’s not forget the hormones that are still raging around your body too. All of this can make for a confusing mix of emotions, to say the least. Many people are well versed with the prospect of the so-called ‘baby blues’, but what if there is something else going on too? Recent studies have found that postnatal anxiety is more common than previously assumed, so what help is out there for women who are suffering? 

 What is postnatal anxiety?

Postnatal anxiety is not as rare as you might think. Sometimes the emotions that flood you after your baby is born can be transferred into feelings of worry and anxiety, and this is absolutely and completely 100% normal. We new mums are supposed to worry about our babies. This is a natural instinct and the reason why the human race has managed to survive for so long. After all, our babies are helpless and if we didn’t worry about them they wouldn’t last too long at all. So some degree of worry is completely normal and to be expected. It’s when the worry turns to anxiety that starts to impact on everyday life that help is needed.

 If you think you are experiencing postnatal anxiety it is really important to seek some help. It might be that simply talking through your fears can be a huge help, or it might be that alternative treatment is needed. Sometimes medications are used, but for many women counselling sessions can help immensely. There is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to seeking help; hopefully your health visitor will notice that you are experiencing anxiety and will offer help sooner rather than later. But if no help is forthcoming, requesting someone to talk to is an important first step to take.

 Self-care

 It may be a bit of a buzz word at the moment, but there is a reason why self-care is gaining in popularity right now. We are the masters of our own destiny, or so they say, after all. If you are experiencing anxiety, there are things that you can do to help control those feelings. It’s easy to forget about your own needs when you have a small baby to take care of, but honestly putting your needs at the forefront of your mind now and then will certainly benefit you and your baby so please don’t neglect yourself. Here are three self-care tips we swear by- I hope they help you too.

 Stay active

When you’re a new mum, it might feel like you are always on your feet, and the lack of sleep at night can be a killer during the day. Exercise may be the last thing you feel like doing but studies have found that exercise is actually one of nature’s most powerful remedies for low mood and anxiety.

Just 15 minutes of activity a day can help to soothe the mind and boost the surge of powerful endorphins that will lift your mood and clear some of the fog. And if you’re doing something for YOU, that is going to lift your mood too. You don’t need to book yourself into the gym either. Go for a walk with the pram, or practise some peaceful yoga while the baby sleeps. Ask someone else to take the baby while you go for a walk, if you’re comfortable with that. There are so many ways that you can keep active – for more information visit this site.

Sleep

Sleep can be a huge factor when it comes to anxiety, and especially when you have a new baby. It’s not easy, but making sleep a priority for yourself as well as for your baby is vital. If you’re having trouble sleeping make sure you speak to your GP for advice, and if you can sleep when baby sleeps then please do. It’s also a good idea to speak to your partner about sharing some of the night feeds too.

 Keep a journal

Sometimes, as a new mum it’s easy to feel a little invisible. Once baby is born, focus shifts on to them and away from you and it’s easier to tell people that you feel fine rather than the truth- that you are finding things hard. So many women find it hard to ask for help or to admit that they’re struggling. If this is you, keeping a journal might help. Sometimes writing down our worries and concerns can help us to feel more in control of our emotions, and help us to see solutions for problems that can seem overwhelming. You can also try gratitude journals or achievements journals that can help with feelings of low self esteem too.

Remember that you’re not alone. If you’re suffering, please do speak out and ask for help.